Obama’s quest for the gold came up short. Even though Obama was the clear favorite going into the games he was quickly eliminated in the first round qualifiers. Obama underestimated the strength of his competition and the power of his teleprompter. What could the White House have done to preserve Obama’s image and win the games for America?

1) They could have sent Michael Phelps to win the Olympic games for America. However, there was a slight chance he would have brought back the next 8 Olympic Games and caused the world to hate us even more.

2) Surely, Obama’s gang could have found and paid Jeff Gillooly to take an iron bar and bang it across the legs of Rio de Janeiro.

3) Couldn’t Acorn produce a measly 4 votes for Chicago? Oh that’s right, they specialize in hookers now.

4) I am sure Speedo could have engineered a LZR Racer suit that would have virtually guaranteed Obama would have set a world record of votes for Chicago.

5) Even with all the star power of Oprah, Michelle and Barack you have to realize it’s not a dream team without Michael Jordan.

6) Lastly, why didn’t the Obamagang pay them off? The IOC quit accepting the dollar in exchange for a basket of international currencies.

The Lemon of the United States – thanks for nothing.